"It is Finished"

This was the hardest thing I've done in my life. It also saved it...So, I guess it's like that song (can't remember who it's by): "Sometimes the hardest thing and the right thing are the same..."
Anyway, here is a brief overview of my trip!
1) Favorite country: Switzerland. I fell in love with this country 6 years ago when I went on a European Concert to with a group called SOA. We went through Interlaken and Grindewald, and I think I left part of my heart here. Now, I'm leaving more. I actually really liked the challenge of not being about to speak the language and having the "total immersion" experience of having to learn on the fly at least basic words. Not only that, but I stayed with a LOVELY family who blessed me more than I could think or ask, and the Vineyard Bern is an incredible group of 1,000 people as well.
2) Favorite place: Iona. Switzerland was my favorite country as a whole, but Iona was, and is now, my favorite place (in terms of culture, feeling, and sense-of-home-ness) in the world. I wasn't really expecting to bond in THIS way with such a place, but Iona is probably the place I would go back to first if I could. I would love to take someone I know as a friend or companion with me this time, too. And, really, I think anyone who is looking, seeking, questioning, asking or even just needing rest would benefit from going there, and I'm glad I was there for as long as I was - a day would have been two short and longer than a week would have taken the enticement to go back out of it...well, maybe.
3) Thing most missed: hearing the voices of the ones I love so dearly. At one point, I was actually unable to listen to the sermons my pastor preached online because hearing his voice made me long for home too much and I couldn't listen to worship songs by my worship leader for the same reason.
4) Thing I will miss the most: tie between the newness and freshness of experience out there and, ironically, the time to do whatever I want (as much as it drove me crazy). Coming home, Seattle feels rather 'new' and I understand that it is more me that has changed than the city, but it was still lovely to just walk around my first day back - not only did I find a new appreciation for walking on my trip (especially on Iona), but I realized how much the sun really does make me happy (I'd not seen it for about a week prior to coming home).
5) Favorite lesson learned: a tie between a deep-felt need for God (which is incredibly painful but the only thing that will save lives) and where "home" is. Homesickness (both with a little "h" and a capitol one) has really given me gratitude for the great city I live in, the nothing-like-it church I attend, the people who have adopted me and called me their own there, and has set my face deeper into the things hereafter...I now know what it means to sing things like "All I want is You, Lord" and MEAN it. From my heart.
6) Hardest thing about traveling: On an emotional level, it was a tie between being away from those I dearly love and "doing nothing" for days on end, a.k.a. learning how to REST (in Jesus). I did not come here to see Europe. I came here to find God and because I thought God was asking me to do so (or at least giving me permission since He worked out who will take care of my cat, where all my stuff will go, my job, places I will stay, the finances, etc.). Not that God isn't in the US, but I had to get away from everything that made me comfortable, everything I could run to to distract from the God that wants to kill me so that I may be raised again. Those things - the loneliness and the homesickness subsided, however and turned to a heartsickness that seared the longing for God and Christ to be real and really in my life forever. The hardest thing spiritually, was (and continues to be) the wrestle with death (and eternal life): not so much my own (actually, I'm fairly excited, not in a morbid way, but in a "all-my-questions-will-finally-be-answered" way), but the loss of loved ones as life goes on....and the belief in life eternal (will I really see my grandfather again?)
7) Hardest accent to understand: Surprisingly, Scottish. I had no trouble with Irish. And it was actually even easier for me to understand the "not so good" English of the people in Holland and Switzerland than it was for me to understand the Scots (I LOVE Scottish people, though!)
8) Hardest thing about being back: America has too much stuff. Even in the bigger cities like London and A'Dam, I didn't feel this frenzied with all the happenings and bustlings around. My first time walking around downtown Seattle was a bit disorienting and I wondered where all these people go to breathe. It's actually a lot harder to come back than it is to go - "reentry" shock is, at least for me, more overwhelming than culture shock...
9) Weirdest thing being back: Honestly, having a cell phone. I reactivated my phone the day I got back and it's just really bizarre to have people call me on it (I have the same number): my pastor called me to see when I'd be home and I heard my phone ringing but assumed it wasn't mine. I actually got quite use to not having a cell phone and, honestly, it's a bit of a burden right now to have it; I have realized that I am REALLY not a phone person. Actually, it's sort of weird to have internet access, too. It's amazing what one short week without the internet can do to your desire to be online and connected all the time. It makes me wonder we we are doing the souls of man by providing them with constant stimulation, constant connection with anything and everything of the world, etc. I thought I'd be climbing the walls without the internet (and I was for the first few short trips I took from Belfast out to London or Dublin) but as I got used to it, I realized how much freer I was without it) and I had even forgotten that I'd HAD a cell phone to begin with. I'm really not a phone person but, at least for now, it's probably necessary (for many reasons, some of you who know me well can probably guess why) for me to have a phone.
10) Best thing about being back: Hands down, seeing and hugging those I love.

I love that I actually got answers to a lot of questions (that I thought were impossible to answer) on this trip; God is SO good and not at all withholding (like I'd previously thought).
I also love that I didn't have to wait to learn how to wait (my soul GETS "wait on the Lord" like it never has before), and I'm very grateful for the opportunity to wrestle with what it is to really and truly forgive someone (I'm still in process of that but it is SO good). I'm also ever grateful for the 20 letters I received from friends, family and loved ones. You have helped me see more than you know. So, thank you to my grandmother, my parents, my pastors, my sister, my cousin, my friends, my "parents" and my mentors for taking the time to give me such wonderful gifts; not only can I see me more clearly, but I got to know something of you all as well.
I would do this trip again in a heartbeat - I look forward to further travels and adventures, of course, but I would do this specific trip again, even knowing the excruciating difficulties. I have learned that things aren't as painful as they seem at first, and, even those that are just as painful as they seem at first are huge growers of soul, character and context. I don't want to be cliche about that, but there's a reason that's such a common sentiment: I would be far less solid in terms of faith than I am now, and I am ever grateful for the closeness I've learned is available with God.