"Changing what Owls Say"

We are 1/3 of the way through the class; I come "home" in week - though I am still searching for where that might be. Prayers are needed as I've recently told God that I will not compromise anymore (not just in the housing arena, in ALL areans - life without heart isn't only not worth it, it's a mockery and an offense to the One who Began and Gave it All), but it's hard to hold one's ground when one feels as though time is rapidly depleting and options are (seemingly) scarce.
Anyway, we have a mid-term tomorrow (gulp) and yesterday was our first lab. These labs are tedious (now I understand why I experienced burn-out so quickly as a ChemE major: the bio labs are relatively low-key compared to all that work (already 4 years behind me now...). We chose a few of the organisms we collected on Wednesday to put in a flow tank and see how they responded to the flow (our class is mostly concentrating on tidal zones so water flow is important), and that is a plume worm - or, actually, about 4 of them (they could be tube worms, too, it's hard to tell since they are wrapped around each other). We also tested a "sea slug" and a limpit.
I LOVE to learn, but I'm no scientist. Not only am I a "big picture" person (details actually give me a specific headache that settles and stews above my eyes), but the scientific answer to "why" questions simply isn't enough for me. It is, even at deepest levels, merely topically descriptive. I want to know WHY H-bonds are weak, not THAT they are. I want to know WHY our planet is the only one that has water that naturally occurs in all three states, not THAT no other planet does. I want to know WHY animals eat other animals, not which ones eat which and where and how much and at what times.
I do like the videos, though, probably because I'm way more auditory than visual (which may be why my eyes hurt at the end of a heavy-science day). Every night after dinner we watch a made-in-the-80's-cheesy movie and I LOVE watching those. I also love wandering around, my face to the sun (it's good for zinc and getting really cheerful!) and feeling a deeper-than-core longing for all this staggering beauty around me to be permanent...I'm crawling toward stability in the belief (not just the hope, for faith is the assurance of things hoped for!) that one day, it all (and me and my loved ones too!) will be. I am learning just how profoundly I LOVE the outdoors (and just how profoundly that love has been underground for so long...), but there is a certain pain to it; like even my bones know that they will one day have to say goodbye. But, as the inching progresses, I'm learning that it maybe, just maybe, won't be the forever I fear.