Evidently, God had other plans...
I didn't leave in enough time to walk to the church and I get hot-faced embarrassed about getting to stuff late, particularly if I'm new or visiting (though I have to say it's getting MUCH better*). I realized I wasn't going to make it in time when I got to Village, so I thought I would do some grocery shopping for my last days here. I was walking through the Village and I remembered Sally saying somet
hing about there being a 1st Presbyterian church after I'd visited the 2nd Presbyterian church the Sunday before my trip to Amsterdam, and I wandered by it. I was looking at the information board outside the church, and, seeing that the service started about 25 minutes ago, I resigned that I wasn't going to go to church that day - but just continue the rather intense (freaked out/unsure/"God HELP me!") prayers I'd begun my first step out the door and call that "church". I was about to turn away when a sweet old gentleman waved at my from the door, inviting me in.
He squeezed me into the first seat at the back...I was half hour late and walked in in the middle of intercessory prayer (where the minister prays for the congregation, the teams they've sent out, for us, for the world - they're beautiful). Then, we sang a song about the goodness of God (something I realized on the walk down that was at the heart of my death/eternal life struggle). Then, the minister gave me a sermon. It looked like it was addressed to the entire congregation but it was really for me. It was about how we didn't make this up, this is all GOD's story, and how God is the central character in all history, and how nothing makes sense without God. He talked about the superficiality of the age we live in - that is, most of our main sources of communication - media, news, even education - completely disregard God. He used Acts 13 to show how Paul emphasized this so much (16 times, Paul attributes action to God in this one chapter), and had interesting thoughts about how we explains "what happens" to people: Do we say "God did this then God did this, and then God did this?" Or, do we say "this happened, then this happened, etc." I mean, what do we MEAN when we say that God is sovereign anyway, right? This would actually sort of be compatible with a deterministic world view, only we'd call it predestination or something like that, but that calls into question free will, and, I used to think the best argument for free will was that if there was no free will there would be no ability to love, but a few recent experiences have taught me that, while that is true, perhaps a better argument for free will is "sin." (Or, "bad things happening (to good people)" if you're not "religious"). So, I definitely don't understand all of this, and I don't think I need to, really...it's sort of important to think about though...anyway...back to the sermon about how God is in everything:
"But, what should religion have anything to do with education, you might say? Well, first of all, this isn't religion, this is reality. Suppose your child comes home from school one day and asks you why he should to spell like the rest of the students instead of going his own way. You explain to that child that learning to spell like all the others will help in getting your ideas accepted and it will help in communication. Then suppose the child does what children often and asks why again "But why is it important to have my ideas accepted? Why is it important to communicate?". Now, the way you answer this question could either leave the child with nothing or with everything. You could answer him, "Well, because then you'd have certain advantages in business that others might not, you'd make more money and you'd have more (the minister comments: 'the 'god' of today') self-esteem." OR, you could answer him this way. "Why? First of all because you were made in the image of God who brought the earth out of nothing and brought order from chaos. Second, He did this by speaking so God is the originator of language. Third, being made in the image of God, we were made for community and this community is built upon the fact and 4, I think God is hurt by people who scoff at God's gifts of knowledge and creativity being able to be used in His service." Whoa hey.
The sermon went even further to talk about how we trust God because this is God's story. We trust Him in handing out parts to play, and that God, who purposed Jesus Christ and thus salvation from (perhaps as) the foundation of the world, with withhold no good thing from those who walk in His ways. So, it sort of leaves me with questions like, "What is God's will?" I guess I believe that God's will is ultimately always done, though not immediately...which really doesn't get me any closer to the answer, actually. I mean, for example, it's feasible that it was God's will for Keith Green to die in a plane crash (along with two of his young children) at the age of 28 leave behind a wife, a 1 year old and another on the way...I don't like that, but that's because I'm not all loving and I don't have a cosmic perspective of eternity. (By the way, Keith's wife is awesome!)
Anyway, the last thing he said was, "You were meant to be here and to hear this message. Don't let Satan steal this seed. What will you do with it?" Whoa hey take two.
So, since church was so good, I went to the Saintfield Baptist Church in the evening for their 7pm service, which they call thei
r "gospel meeting."All the women were wearing hats and skirts, but I didn't actually feel too uncom-fortable*. God did this thing with my issue with people thing this morning and apparently, it took. Like, I'm not afraid to look at people as I pass by them and say "hi" or acknowledge their presence anymore. Anyway, the service blew me away again. So, the first thing I noticed was that in the center of their main sanctuary wall were big black letters saying "Be still and know that I am God" (a flash back to an earlier church visit where that was a hymn or song we sang, and a message I really needed - and apparently still need) t hear. Then, the first hymn we sang was by Melody Green, whose book I was currently reading. I had just finished the part where Keith delivers this fiery message to a festival crowd about being lukewarm, about repenting, about taking sin seriously, and about how being a Christian isn't just about saying the sinners praying, stuff has to change in your life. She talked about their "revival, where God stirred up repentance in their hearts and the hearts of those they were ministering to and it caused me to write a letter to God about my own stuff for about 4 hours. I debated about whether or not to go to the se
rvice (even felt a bit of "resistance" if you know what I mean), but I decided that I "should" - and, once I got moving, I actually wanted to go.The message tonight started out by saying "This really happened! This isn't just some story, this really happened." (This would be God dealing with me "what if" waywardness...).
The message turned out to be exactly that same thing I'd just read about in Melody Green's book: how king David was a sinner, and how David's sin was obscene to God and how you and I are no different. What's so amazing about grace (we sang the entire hymn - that was the first time I'd ever sung the whole thing, and I couldn't quite make it all the way through without tearing up - I actually believe hymns when I sing them now!) is that God, even though He is angry with sin, pursues David with Nathaniel, pursues David with His love, and pursues us with His son.
So...1) Prayer works. 2) God gets me better than I do. 3) God knows what time it is. 4) God is AWESOME. 5) God's a pursuer. 6) God gives good gifts (on the way home from long walks in Northern Ireland!):
All this is really important to me, especially in the face of scary (to me) stuff like this, and some other challenges things I've been wrestling with the last few days...
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