Iona

We are here on the island. Things are windy, rainy, beautiful and awesome. The showers are an adjustment. My group is great but I struggle a lot with wanting things my way, which I need to get over. I can't post any pictures because the only place one can get the internet is the Columba Hotel (50p per 15 minutes) and that is about a mile walk from the hostel. Plus, I don't have a lot of time. Despite the ''openness of the schedule,'' there are a lot of optional trips and tours and things to see and do here that I'll probably be participating in.
Oh, and the storm that soaked my friends in Philly and delayed their plane for about 4 hours apparently has a name - Hurricane Bill (heehee). It's supposed to be over Iona tomorrow but I think it's been here for a while now.
I will be back in Seattle a week from tomorrow and probably won't be able to update till then. Just know that I am exploring beautiful beaches, participating in circle time and community dinners with 8 other lovely women, taking little boat tours out to sea, doing some intense hiking, and taking a LOT of pictures. I am attending a worship service at least once a day in a building that has been used for worship for 1500 years, and am trying to finish reading the letters you all wrote me (6 to go). I also pretty much have to cook for myself since I don't eat anything anyone else eats (not that it's real healthy for anyone to be eating most of what they're eating anyway...) and I've discovered that they don't have any bread I can eat here (it's either healthy but has sunflower seeds in it - and I will NOT go through THAT reaction again, I was one big hive for three days last December - or it's unacceptably unhealthy). Time to be creative.

"Not all of my books are wet because God is good"

I don't have much time here because the internet is a pound per 20 minutes and I feel ridiculous having to pay to use my own computer (plus, I've got a lot of journaling to do), but I did want to quickly update. The Hebberman's dropped me off at a train station in Stirling and I caught a train to Glasgow where I had to switch to get to Oban (which means "little bay" in Gaelic), where I'll be staying at a hostel overnight with the women from SPU. At the Glasgow Queen Street Station, I met up with my fellow pilgrims from SPU! Their plane was delayed in Philly because of a huge storm and ALL of their packs where soaked clean through (so the room in our hostel has become one big drying rack). Oban is an incredibly beautiful Scottish-with-a-twist-of-Irish town on the west coast of Scotland; the first picture of Oban from a tower on a hill looking southwest, and the other is Oban from that same tower looking east.
The train ride from Stirling to Glasgow was 45 minutes, and the train ride from Glasgow to Oban was about 3 hours. Tomorrow, it will take about a day (two ferries, a bus ride and a mile walk) to get to Iona. It feels something like coming home to be with these people who I retreated with on Whidbey Island in April...probably because this is the journey that started this whole summer trip, and it is the trip that brings my summer adventures to a close. It is thrilling, nostalgic, exciting, painful, different and beautiful to be with these people. In some ways I feel very different around them - not only the "I'm always the different one feeling", but also the "I'm different than the last time I saw them because I am so much more....myself.
It breaks my heart with the goodness of God to think that I am actually going to Iona - the place, the trip, the pilgrimage that was a year ago, not yet heard of, 6 months ago, an application and, upon acceptance, a deeply-longed for dream. Words about God are so much more real to me now - words like "God loves you," and "God hears you" and "God will take you home." Words that we often throw around in Christian settings but...wow. As one of my good friends said, "Until you KNOW God is good, everything else is bullshit." I would add, "Until you know God is REAL, everything else is a lie." Thank you Lord Jesus for this wonderful water to my soul.
Ok, I'm not sure when the next time I'll have internet is...it may not be till I'm back in Seattle.

Castles, Cancer and Can we Talk?

For my last full day in Clackmannan (the town about 25 miles outside E-burgh I've been in), the family of four (including the 3 month old and the 2 year old) went on a rather strenuous hike up to Castle Campbell. We drove about 20 minutes to the town of Dollar (where everything is ironically expensive) and then hiked through stunning woods to a beautiful castle where, from the roof of it, it felt like you could see the whole of Scotland.

Then, we came back and while the family took a rest, I watched one of their nutrition DVD's and learned a heck of a lot about cancer prevention. Basically, stop eating animal products of any kind and flood your system with cruciferous greens (cauliflower, broccoli, chard, kale, sprouts, etc), garlic, tumeric, cloves, and fruits (specifically berries - oh, and bananas may have potassium but they have a lot of sugar in them to, which can mess with your blood sugar and can be linked to mood swings...they can also cause sinus drainage...). Seeing as I personally know at least 4 people who have died of cancer (and less and less survivors of it...), and everyone single person I know knows someone who has died from cancer (just because everyone dies does NOT mean it has to be from cancer...), this is REALLY important information that doctors don't tell you...because they don't know themselves. The average medical school graduate gets 4 hours of nutrition class - IF they choose. It's optional. Now, I'm a bit too smart, I think, to be an "everything's a conspiracy theory" paranoid person, but really...there are actually a fair amount of people who do want to reduce the world's population, the meat and dairy industry is a HUGE business and, well, it just seems like there's something else going on here. We all grew up thinking that milk was good for us, because of the calcium, right? Well, medical studies have shown a near one-to-one correlation (in case you're not familiar with statistics, that type of correlation hardly EVER happens) between milk and jouvenille diabetes. People who didn't even cut out the meat but added on serving a day of greens reduce their risk of cancers by 25%. Yet, some people won't give up meat because they think it's the "only" way they'll get certain vegetables. If that's true, then God's a liar (read Genesis 1:29). Why don't we know how to eat right? I mean, the Fed spends $10 billion a year on health education. Well, McDonald's spend that much every 48 hours. And, as a wise counselor friend of mine once said, "A large majority of people lack critical thinking skills. That's why commercials work."
Anyway, after doing that, I read my cousin's letter. John Michael has, in my mind, always been sensitive (like me), and his letter was overwhelmingly so. The memories of childhood (he did share a bit of childhood with me even though he grew up across the country), the things he pointed out in me that I thought no one in my family knew, everything was so...just, wow. It really made me want to talk to him more. Reading people's letters (I've still got ten to go!) has illuminated the personalities of the people God has lavishly blessed to me. As another sweet friend (and fellow-letter writer) said upon my sharing that I got about 21 letters total, "That ALONE is sheer sweetness."
So, tomorrow I'll probably be going to church with this wonderful family who has blessed me so much with, not only their model of a good, healthy, loving marriage/way to raise kids, but also really cool accents and really awesome conversations in those accents (our longest one was about childbirth and how my primary gift from The Father as a woman is to be a generator of life above any other calling (which I'm going to have to think about a WHOLE lot, especially since marriage is not guaranteed to all women but it was a good conversation anyway...), GREAT food (I've now got over 600 recipes!), overwhelming amounts of resources on everything from nutrition to vaccines to spiritual growth, and then, hop on a train to Oban (we stay there for a day) where I will meet up with my SPU crew. I'm not sure how much access I'll have to the internet, but, the next time you'll hear from me, I'll be on the pilgrimage that was the seed for this whole life-altering trip.

"Do you have a moment to tell your daughter she's amazing?"

Maj-Britt (the wife) called her husband at work to celebrate Myanna (their daughter). She is starting to be able to read the alphabet (she's only two). She put Clinton on speakerphone and together they celebrated their princess. He was not phased at ALL by the "interruption" at work.

I continued in my studies, organized some things online, and took a rather long walk today - finally able to worship again! - because the sun was out for a long time (a very rare thing in Scotland...but I'm used to that, after three years in Seattle...). I did a lot of thinking and praying, and, it was good. I read another letter and some more devotional type things. I've been discussing some of my faith issues with friends and I think the main thing that comes up for me now isn't so much death as it is eternal life. With every tear wiped from every eye, and with boundless amounts of time, what will we do? Where will the meaning go? I know, my puny little brain cannot possibly comprehend all of this, so I think I just have to "surrender eternity" to God...obviously. But, it makes it difficult for me, as the e-devotional (from Daily Meditations of Henri Nouwen) my father (who, like me, does not believe in consequences) sent me says, to want to "go home":

Taking the Sting Out of Death:
Dying is returning home. But even though we have been told this many times by many people, we seldom desire to return home. We prefer to stay where we are. We know what we have; we do not know what we will get. Even the most appealing images of the afterlife cannot take away the fear of dying. We cling to life, even when our relationships are difficult, our economic circumstances harsh, and our health quite poor. Still, Jesus came to take the sting out of death and to help us gradually realise that we don't have to be afraid of death, since death leads us to the place where the deepest desires of our hearts will be satisfied. It is not easy for us to truly believe that, but every little gesture of trust will bring us closer to this truth.

It's hard for me to want to go home because this is all I know, and here, at least I know I've got work to do, you know? The earth's got big problems (which don't, ironically, scare me as much as they used to since I, somewhere in there, know that this isn't my home...) and there's stuff to be done and there is a limit on all of us (death). I think it's also deeply difficult for me to believe I will see my loved ones who have died (and who will die) again - I don't know, it seems just "too good to be true"...I have a bigger problem, though, with eternity. It just seems like an overwhelming amount of time, but "no eye has seen, no ear has heard, no mind has conceived of what God has planned for those who love Him."

Despite all this, I THINK I'm starting to relax. One encouragement was getting my poetry published online (scroll down to about halfway on the main page, "I Am" is my favorite poem I've ever written, the other one...meh). Another amazing help has been the lovely family I'm staying with here. My time really has gone fast - I can't believe tomorrow is my last full day before I meet my SPU crew for the crowning jewel of this trip. The meals here have been amazing (and really educational - did you know that sugar may be sweet, but, apparently...it can kill) the fellowship has been wonderful...I sort of feel guilty. I think I have a twinge of that sort of "I'm putting you out feeling" whenever I receive something good, as if the way I show my gratitude is to feel bad and act like I don't deserve it to show you that I REALLY am receiving it. But that's not grace at all, and it totally impairs one's ability to receive love, which, if I'm reading the Bible right, receiving love precedes giving love. So, Father, help me to simply receive love, regardless of whether I feel like I deserve it or not. Love doesn't speak the same language as deserving, and it's not about that at all. Amen.

(My church is going camping this weekend - this is the 2nd year I've been out-of-state for it. I sort of wish I could be there since it was so fun two years ago (even though it was cold enough that I had to sleep in a car...) but, I get to be in beautiful scenery (just off the main road I walked on for about two hours today), too (and then, on a beautiful, secluded Scottish Island after having traveled a bit of Europe and the most beautiful country in the world (Switzerland, obviously) so I shouldn't really complain...except that I am relational to the core, and really can't wait to share this trip with my friends back home. My bragging about you all back home has been enough for Maj-britt to be rather amazed at how good of friends I have back home...)

It don't mean a thing if it ain't got that swing....

The family I'm staying with here has a staggering amount of resources, I sort of wish I had more time here. They've got philosophy, theology (the couple met at YWAM Perth), nutrition and, of course, GAMES! The wife is the daughter of the inventor of this really hard puzzle game: it's sort of like tetris in that the shape of the pieces is fixed (you cannot change the shape of a given piece), only the colors are also meaningful. The pieces are double sided: red and black on one side, blue, yellow and white on the other. You have to put the pieces together to match the pictures in the book, and, as you'll see if you study the picture closely, it's not as easy as it appears...
The irony of this mesmerizing puzzle game is not lost on me as I spent most of the rest of the day "studying" - philosophy (Ravi Zacharias), the heart I've been handed (the letters people gave me), pilgrimage (the resources in my Iona notebook), science (online reading and a video*) - save for a "sun-break."
I took advance of the 40 minutes of sun and went on a walk around town , mailed a postcard and had a great conversation with the worker there, despite how difficult his accent was to understand. Then, I found a park and got on the swing and things started crashing into place. Yes, while I was on the swing (don't worry, I stayed on the swing).
Guys, this movie - *"Unlocking the Mystery of Life" by Illustra Media - is incredible. This is a documentary about a group of scientists - none explicitly Christian, and most trying to explain science WITHOUT the presence of a designer - basically observing the universe, and explaining the facts...by intelligent design. Now, that's good science: explaining the FACTS - as in, what we DO know - in the best possible way. The argument is something like this:
"Bill Gates does not use wind, erosion and random chance to create his software. He employs talented, educated engineers to write the software because the cause of information is not randomness...it is INTELLIGENCE. So, if we don't attribute complex software programs to random chance (as well we shouldn't), why on EARTH would we attribute the most complex set of information in the known universe - that is DNA, the irreducibly complex building blocks of life - to randomness. That's just bad science." Yeah, if it's science at all...sounds more like someone's got an agenda.
Darwin knew nothing about the cell. We can't replicate this system, even in it's most complicated form, in laboratories. Yet, his impact on the scientific mind for the last 150 years has been that of "evolutionary theory", which basically rules out a certain kind of cause for life before the evidence has a chance to speak. And that cause is intelligence. If THAT'S not science's biggest open-mouth-insert-foot moment...
They're teaching this evolutionary theory in schools and calling it science. You remember - the geologic column with all these names for the different eras (Cenazoic, etc.) evidencing a billions-year-old earth, right? Oh, and that fossils "obviously" indicate age. And that oil is formed by the "squeezing" out of carbon matter from rock layers over billions of years. What they fail to tell you is that, if you ASSUME the 4.6 billion year old earth, there would actually be LESS rock layers (a LOT less) than there presently are (and they don't tell you about the petrified trees standing - UPRIGHT - through various rock layers. How, again, is each layer supposed to represent an "era"? Even trees don't live that long). And fossils are petrified - that happens QUICKLY, not over billions of years. And, if the theory about how the oil got there is true, we'd find FAR less than we actually do, even at our rate of consumption. In other words, the earth bears in her bowels all the markings of a common, worldwide catastrophe that would cause a lot of compression very, very quickly...something, like, oh, I don't know...a flood.
Suspiciously, evolutionary theory is, in almost every way that I've been able to see, nearly exactly OPPOSITE from what the Bible says about creation, mankind, and life. Sounds like someone's got an agenda.
But, the most amazing thing about all of this whole non-Christian-scientists-looking-at-the-evidence (life)-and-coming-up-with-"designer" business is that if life was designed, that means it probably was designed on purpose. I started crying when the movie was describing the process of DNA copying in a cell (up until 45 seconds before I saw that, I hated biology) because I felt such love for God, knowing that He made this thing called life. It was this awe such as I've never felt before, like standing over a 3000 foot cliff with that deep, cave-like music playing in the background - and this feeling of overwhelming grandeur coming from studying inside the smallest unit of life. Life, if it's designed, probably isn't meaningless. And, if it's designed, it means that looking into it in all its vast array is a wonderful gift of enjoyment and awe. (This what some of the world's best SECULAR scientists said...seriously, watch the video). Thank you God.
I'm starting to LOVE science even more, and something fascinating is to see how it matches up with the Bible. So...if the Bible is right about this world (and there are lots of other theological and philosophical things it says about the current state of the world that are making a LOT more sense to me than they used to), and it was right about the this world from sometimes as much as 700 years ago (Biblical prophecy is a fascinating thing), then it's probably rather daft to think that it's wrong about the next world. Thank you Lord, for answering my prayers/the cries of my heart.
In other news, I'm beginning to share more and more of "me" with my family, and to a VERY good result. To quote an e-mail my father sent this morning upon reading the story about Pop's death that won a contest: " I must say that not to do something with your incredible writing ability would be a great waste...". And, I'm loving the letters people have written me. I've read seven, but I'm at the point now where I've got to read one a day (including today) if I want to finish them before I get back to Seattle. (That's the notebook I'm rapidly filling up with reflections on these letters).
So, I'm actually accepting what and who I am...writing is not "just a hobby", dancing is not just "exercise" and my prophetic gift is not "made up stuff I could piece together from what information I already do know."
(Now, we're watching more about nutrition - this one is called "The Pleasure Trap" (as in, why, when we know the right thing to do to get healthy, it is so damned hard to do it) - and eating homemade pudding - made from avocados, honey, dates, sultanas topped with frozen berries and our choice of hot drink)...